Category: Blog

Blew out my back on Wednesday. In retrospect, it’s been a problem for a month+, and prevented me from a catch-up trip with Mitzi Liossis — I thought it was muscle spasms.

Sadly, so did my chiropractor, and the exercises I was given.. well, they’re exactly the opposite of what you should do when there’s a disc at risk. This misapprehension had some unfortunate effects. It got worse instead of better, culminating with a point when i bent down.. and couldn’t get back up.

Going to the chiropractor wednesday was a mistake – in that i mean getting in my car. I already knew I couldn’t bend, but i forced the issue, and spent the night on the floor as a result.

Finally managed the futon, and was stuck there. Not a fun time. Pain killers don’t really help when you get caught in a back-spasm that just won’t stop.

Christina Greengrass went and got me a back brace, which was enough to painfully make it upstairs to the bed, where I was stuck for a full day.

Since then I’ve managed to make it to the washroom (one of those problems google-fu doesn’t cover AT ALL) with some help, and then eventually by myself.

This morning I was able to stand again with only moderate pain (not bend however), and I have a finer appreciation for verticality. I’m apparently looking at up to 6 months for this to recover.

Not a lot can be done in the near term. When I’m well enough to get into a car (Ie mostly healed) I’ll need to get to the doctor and get some imaging done. In most cases, this just has to heal naturally — the exceptions are NOT cases I want to consider.

I’m extremely glad I didn’t panic and call an ambulance. Emergency room response times are normally 12+ hours, and the local hospital is generally over capacity. The most they’d be able to do for me is better pain meds, but then I’d be stuck there – a horrifying thought. If the outcomes are the same, I’d rather be at home in pain vs a crowded and loud hospital.

Take care of your backs folks.

AI test box is a success. InvokeAI is a fun little picture maker. OpenWebUi however has been genuinely handy for coding samples. Need a bunch of boilerplate for argparse? Easy. Some boto handling? Sure.

Big stuff though, forget it. I’ve experimented with ‘turn this shell script into equivalent <other language>’ — usually it’s 30% useful, 70% absolute garbage.

That’s ok though, I can tell the difference. Some of the examples are almost as useful as stackoverflow. Some show me different ways of coding to the same end. Not bad.

As a result, time to give this machine a bigger GPU. 12GB isn’t really enough video memory.  So I’m swapping my Nvidia 3080 for a Radeon 7900XTX, which should give me 24 GB of video memory.

Rocm isn’t as mature as Cuda from my understanding, but all of the tools i want to use in this machine will run on either – and that’s all I need.

It’s been a long year.  Tomorrow’s the beginning of my vacation though, and that helps a lot.

I managed to get my broken tooth repaired this week – second one in what, the last two months?

I’ve discovered the joys of the ‘Edge’ plan with Rogers .. you can turn in your phone anytime — if you’re switching to another contract. Looking to just be done with it? You can’t even give the phone back until the last 30 days, even if you offer to pay everything you’ll owe upfront.  Two different phones, bought a month apart. That will take some time next year to sort out.

Mortgage season comes next year, we’re up for renewal, and rates are .. less than optimal really.  Going to have to crunch the numbers, and get the right combination (and from the right broker).  RBC is wooing us, and I have a mind to see if we can’t get a shorter term – less than 12 years) to maybe get this paid off by age 60.

Also a lot of home improvements coming – for example I’ve had an eye on our garage door since we moved in a decade ago, and this year I want to replace it.  Our bathroom counters were a fail, and it just shows I should’ve gone with my gut and cancelled them, even if there was a penalty.  Now we’ll need to do them again, this time in stone.

Windows as well, not all of them, but enough that it’ll probably pinch a bit. I’m not sure if we’ll manage them this year.. but we’ll see.

Everything’s in the new year though, for now there’s a solid week where there aren’t any big items looming. I intend to enjoy it.

Merry Christmas.

Reading glasses came in today. They’re definitely what I need for close-up work, and absolutely something I’d take off to look any further – exactly what I was hoping for. Already used them to read some very tiny writing.

Replacement router came in yesterday and went in, along with new switches. 98% of what I was hoping for, and with luck the last 2% will get sorted with a firmware patch later this month.

Charged up my car battery, it doesn’t handle sitting idle for long periods in cold weather. Now it’s topped up at least, and won’t give that low battery warning.

Waiting on final word from the accountant about taxes, then we can go and sign and pay – it’s always a good time of the year once that bit of business is behind us.

Old grey kitty came by today. A good thing too, it’s been brutally cold out, and she’s a feral.

I’ve been pondering the end.  Not the end of all things, but my own personal end.

I’m not considering ending things before their time (or perhaps before life simply can’t continue).  I have read a few existentialist writings recently, which have me imagining the last moment, and then the moment after.

People have documented their near death experiences, and ignoring for a moment the ones where misfiring synapses caused hallucinations, the rest seem to generally agree that there’s nothing.

Not ‘oh I’m alone in a dark place‘.  No.  Nothing.  A complete absence not only of things, but of thought, of awareness.  I can liken this to the last time I had to go in for surgery.

I was there breathing, they were counting down, then it was hours later.  I remember nothing.  I dreamt nothing.  I thought nothing.  I’d say that I wasn’t .. anything, for that period of time.  I can only imagine the end is like that.  Nothing to miss, because there’s nothing at all, not even me.

This has me wondering now about several things.  My mind reels considering billions of lights just like mine, but going out all the time; their lives as important to them as my own, their endings also vanishing into silence.

I wonder about my own end.  I wonder if I’ll have the strength to say ‘this is enough’ when the machine fails, and to step off into the dark.  I honestly don’t know if I’m more afraid of going, or being gone.

I wonder if I’m using this time well enough.  How do I quantify that? Who judges?  I already know I’m going to leave precious little behind, and I don’t know how I’d change that.  I don’t know if I want to, or if I even should want to.  I wonder if I should be more upset that we leave no children behind, or glad that we’re not adding to a generation which might not survive to full term.

I’ll admit the fear comes back from time to time.  It returns now and takes up residence in the animal part of my brain, demanding an answer – anything to stem the flow of days and prevent the end.  I am reminded again why people believe in impossible things against all proof.  A beautiful lie is often more palatable than a painful truth.

I’ll make peace with this.  Somehow.  I’ll continue to enjoy what I have, and try not to let the end spoil the middle.