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I have to learn to think before i speak.
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No, scratch that, I do that already, that's what keeps me from saying a lot as it is. Maybe a simple sanity check? Something like a computer spell checker, which explodes violently if you say TOTALLY the wrong thing.
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Shrapnel would be a pain (no pun intended), but it might be less messy than the results of a botched conversation.
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This year's been tough. Mostly its all internal, I'm fighting the down feelings hard, and while I'm not slipping under the waves I'm also not making much headway. I'm totally done smoking, it's been over a month. That's quit. I do kind of miss the going outside for breaks, and the conversations that occur while you're stuck outside freezing your butt off, but not enough to switch back.
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Quitting was HARD this time. Really, really hard. I was soo tempted so many times to go out and buy a pack, but somehow I managed to not. With that kind of a struggle so near behind me, I'd be stupid to go back. I'm not stupid. Foolish at times yes, but not stupid.
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I bought a real bed last week. It's my first real bed since I left nelson (that's 2 years ago by the way), since then it's been mostly air mattresses, and I'm really happy to have a bed that won't explode if you jump on it. No, I'm serious, really really freaken glad. Plus it's kind of nice to be warm. Air mattresses are always cold, they don't retain heat. Kind of ok in the summer, seriously sucky every other moment.
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I also got a tv. Pia sold it to me. For future reference… new tvs NEED the remote. It's no longer optional, you can't do shit without the remote.
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Thankfully universal remotes are cheap (like 10 bucks), so i got it running. I hooked it to my server, that super quiet low profile jobbie I built a while ago.
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I hooked up it's tv out and audio to Video 1, the tv out on my workstation to Video 2, and I still have a front panel set of plugs unused. I've got a usb gamepad hooked to it, and a supernintendo emulator running (I played mario world full screen and it was to die for). I have full net support, so I have streaming audio at my finger tips, and Divx movies play like a dream. It has a dvd writer in it too, so I can play dvds or burn them.
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It's a nice toy, and I'm glad it's working properly now.
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I'm off to play a game and drink some more. I'm hoping that will fix my broken tongue, so I quit putting both feet in my mouth. Damn, I hate that taste.
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