sometimes we see them fall
Being afraid makes me tired. Really, truly, bone dead weary.
Generally I’m only afraid of things I don’t understand. Unfortunately, there are a lot of things that fall into that category.
Taxes are one of those items. The more I read, the less I understand. A day dealing with them is an almost certain migraine. Even when I know I’m going through the process correctly, I can’t help but be afraid. It’s not rational, any more than a fear of the dark is rational.
It’s fear of the unknown.
Some days are easier than others. It seems like I have a lot of those recently. The day passes by like dust motes in a sunbeam. Not filled with epic highs, but no sudden cliffs or deep bogs. I’m ok with that.
Some days are harder though. Someone says something that wounds me (yes I can still be hurt, even if it’s mostly undetectable). A plan falls through. Someone breaks a promise. I screw something up (and then admit it). Those are tougher, and I feel a cloud draw across my sunbeam.
I find myself glad when they pass, perhaps a little wiser. It’s not good to be complacent about a good life, and the occasional upset serves as a reminder that no, indeed, it could be much much worse. It doesn’t make the experience any easier though. I still need to watch out for cloudy days.
I realized coming back here that my last post was in June, and it was that memorial. Better that it not remain the most recent thought I’ve expressed here.