Month: March 2011

 

It’s pretty amazing, normally I don’t average more than a few posts a year. Perhaps this means that the latter half of the year will be a silent wasteland?

It’s been a busy week so far. This is a good thing. I have to admit I don’t do well with the quiet moments these days. I seem to need overdrive or oblivion, and I end up quite discontented if I’m not at either extreme.

I’m not sure why this is, but it’s definitely not just my imagination. For example, I’m writing this aren’t I?

So far I’ve worked 12 hours, read 2 1/2 books, watched 3 shows, built 2 servers, set up a vpn, and tackled the usual flood of emails, IM’s and calls.

So why am I still on edge? I feel like I should be doing more. Am I on a time limit? Have I forgotten something that’s coming due?

Could it just be because another birthday looms? This one will be #37, which for some reason seems like a double-sized helping of years.

I’m not sure, I have more questions than answer this time around — there’s no special observational insight this time around I’m afraid.

I’ll leave you instead with something worthy of a little envy.

 

 

On my futon my cat Shamus sleeps.

He lays there, upside down and stretched out, without a care in the world.  From time to time I wander over and rub his belly. He doesn’t stir, or if he does, it’s to half open one eye before falling back to sleep.

How trusting he is!  How much I envy him is simple faith, while I still remain grateful that he has a home where that faith can survive undamaged.  I sometimes wish I had that.

I’m tired now, it’s been a long day, and the days are going to get longer.  Soon I too will rest and dream.

Maybe sleep will wash away some of this discontent.

 

I only manage to update this thing a few times a year.  If you’re reading this, you probably aren’t turning over any previously unrealized facts.

It’s been a busy year so far.  I’m still working hard to get on track.  It’s hard.

Turns out when you make a lot of money, the only way you can keep most of it is to not claim it as cash.  I find that pretty frustrating I have to admit.  I mean really, I earn the money through hard work, but I can’t keep more than half without jumping through hoops?

I’m grudgingly doing what’s required — it means my company ends up keeping most of the money, and I am now on a reduced income — it means also that my debt repayment is a lot slower, which thrills me to no end as you can imagine.

I’ve been really lucky this year for work.  I have additional work coming online next week.  I’ve put quite a bit of effort into getting more paying work — I still feel the same time pressures I always have, and they drive me to work harder in less time.

That requires paring life down to the bare essentials.  As a result, I don’t spend much time with friends, nor do I go through the motions that turn acquaintances into friends.  This isn’t because I don’t think the people are worth being friends with.  It’s because I think they deserve better than I’m able to offer.

I do sometimes wish that wasn’t the case, but I am a realist.  I can do what I’m doing now and reach my goals, OR I can have a rich life surrounded by good friends.  There isn’t enough time and attention for both though.  As a result, the only friends I’ve retained are the ones who can put up with this kind of unreliability.

Usually I’m too busy working to mind.  From time to time though, work drops off, and I feel an urge to chat — usually about things I’ve talked to death with Christina.  Guess what? A whole list of contacts, and no one I would message.

The price of my choices.

I’m hoping to reach my goals soon.  I swear, I won’t be doing this forever.

Until then I’ll keep busy.