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It's been a long time between posts, and really I end up saying that each time, and each time it's correct.
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This weekend I built myself a new mail server, and moved all my messages to it. It's qmail, and it's amazingly fast, even with 1000781 messages, which is what transfered from my mail account. I apparently don't throw enough out.
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I've been working a lot. I don't get out much if at all, and I can't imagine that will be a viable lifestyle forever. For now it'll do, and it'll have to do. The family needs to be fed, and this is what I signed on for after all. I often give my stepson lectures about personal accountability and taking responsibility for your own choices. This one's mine, and until such a point as I'm ready to change it, there's no point in bemoaning the fact everything isn't 100{99f4aabb8f9a8b7318031e7dd7e1d4d33a10ca1a288a083cef0cdea647a62112} perfect. It could be a lot worse, and it had been in the past, so really, what the hell could you want?
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Christina's wonderful, as always, and the fact that I can see her whenever I want helps a lot.
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I've been working on my own projects most evenings, and I feel that I've learned a lot. Very little of it is directly useful to the work I'm doing now, but then again, that was never the point, was it? It's more important that it mean something to me, that it provide a feeling of accomplishment, especially on those days when the whole damn day feels wasted, and I wonder what the hell I'm doing.
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I still haven't met any of my co-workers, and getting my passport has been an incredible pain in the ass. It's still not done in fact, I've had to resubmit, so I'm playing the waiting game again. I hope I'm still useful to these people by the time I can actually meet them… it's hard to say for sure.
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All the more reason to keep learning, and keep meeting people, to keep making a reputation as someone who can just get the job done.
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Growing up I was foolish, and I believed the lies they tell you. From the beginning, from the moment you start getting trained with ABC and 123, it's emphasized that WHAT you know is the most important thing. Remembering facts and figures, science, math, and funny looking islands that look like crumpled socks. All those little bits are repeated and drilled in, and you're compared against a score, a yardstick that makes you smart or dumb.
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It's not enough though. It's not enough to KNOW, or even to be able to find out how to know. Knowledge and learning aptitude might allow you to create amazing things, but they're almost secondary concerns.
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Far more important seems to be the ability to interact with other people. To form bonds, associations, a rapport. Without connections to other people, it's difficult to actually succeed. Most of the best and funnest jobs require that you are chosen, on the basis of knowing someone who knows someone… with the way words lie on a piece of paper, nepotism has as much of a chance of succeeding as interviewing hundreds.
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Did you ever get told that? I missed that explanation entirely, and tried for the “know stuff” route for years… and amazingly enough… it wasn't at all successful. Sooner or later you'll find someone who needs skilled people. Skilled people are the foundation of any business.
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You ever notice that the foundations stay at the bottom, and usually out of sight? What makes it to the top? Art, beauty, shiny stuff. Not necessarily the practical nuts and bolts, but then again who needs to see the machine at work?
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Every now and then you see a hybrid out there though.. something both beautiful and practical.
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I want to be that thing, something wonderful to behold, and USEFUL.
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Here's to the struggle.
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