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Thank god for music. The sound pushes back the dark thoughts.
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I feel very even keel tonight. My mind is foggy, unlike the night, which is clear and calm. I don't really have anything important to say tonight, so I'm just going to ramble. Tune out if you want to.
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I've been thinking a lot about words recently. Not a specific word, like “love” or “hate” (as if things were ever that black and white), but more words in general. They have a rhythm that moves in my head when they're put in the right order. Let me provide an example…
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“Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.” (From Max Ehrmann's “Desiderata”)
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I find myself thinking about words like those as I drift off to sleep. Sometimes it's so very hard to hold on to that centering. In the middle of a busy day it's as thin as mist, and on nights like these it's more real than the chair I'm sitting in. I sometimes wish I could hang on to the rhythm the words provide at those times I need them most, but that's the way it goes.
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I think I'm going to be just fine. For the longest time I wasn't really sure. Such little problems, so insignificant when compared to all the good things. Like a million mosquitoes attacking an elephant, enough to make the outcome no sure thing. I think it's all ok. For today at least I can see the path my footsteps will take for the near future, and I'm not displeased. As with all things, there is no perfection, but perfection is not a gift for mere mortals. I'll accept things the way they are, and work towards my plans.
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This is not a cry for help
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I told K I'd put those words somewhere soon, and what better place than here?
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One last thought for this journal, before I go back to my music. This one's an original.
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There should be no vacation from being a good person. Oftentimes selfish actions
have far-reaching consequences. It's not easy to see from this footstep how the
next one will fall.
It's far less painful in the long run to not make the mistakes, than it is to try
and repair the damage.
And sometimes there are no right actions, no correct decisions.
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That's enough for now. Another time.
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