Month: March 2005

nn

You heard me.

nn

The combination of diet, stress, work and stress has finally dropped the worst of the christmas season.

nn

It's taking longer than I'd like though. Not that I'm particularly patient mind you. I guess it be harder if I was shopping like I normally do, having a house full of food waiting to spoil makes it hard to be careful and watchful. Luckily I'm still in “just-buy-what-you-need” mode, so the choices, while fairly tasty, don't scream an urgency to perform serious acts of gluttony.

nn

We just opened up another office this week, which means I've been running, patching network cables and computer problems, and dealing with a never ending stream of questions. It wouldn't be too bad, but I've allocated about 390{99f4aabb8f9a8b7318031e7dd7e1d4d33a10ca1a288a083cef0cdea647a62112} of my available time. See, I thought I was dropping some of the 17 jobs I do now soon, so I signed on to 3 major projects. As it turns out, no, I'm keeping them all. So 20 jobs. Goddamn.

nn

For example. I had a meeting at 3:30pm downstairs with 7 people. At the same time I had a meeting upstairs with 12 people. In the middle of this, tech support, network re-wiring (on the fly, I don't recommend it), arranging wiring with an electrician, and shelving and benches with a carpenter (he skipped out, which sucks, it was MY area he was going to build!)

nn

I'm probably just low-bloodsugary right now, which always makes me cranky. I shouldn't be. Life is EXCITING! There's so much to do, and so much of it is new and challenging. It's so much better than the last job I had, I can't really stay complaining for long. I'd rather be doing this.

nn

I'm going to have to find some… wow, that was a freudian slip. I started writing someone. I'd meant to write someTHING. Funny how the mind sneaks stuff in eh?

nn

I think I'm going to stop right now, this line of thought doesn't need to be followed right now.

nn

More tomorrow.

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nn

Thank god for music. The sound pushes back the dark thoughts.

nn

I feel very even keel tonight. My mind is foggy, unlike the night, which is clear and calm. I don't really have anything important to say tonight, so I'm just going to ramble. Tune out if you want to.

nn

I've been thinking a lot about words recently. Not a specific word, like “love” or “hate” (as if things were ever that black and white), but more words in general. They have a rhythm that moves in my head when they're put in the right order. Let me provide an example…

nn

“Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.” (From Max Ehrmann's “Desiderata”)

nn

I find myself thinking about words like those as I drift off to sleep. Sometimes it's so very hard to hold on to that centering. In the middle of a busy day it's as thin as mist, and on nights like these it's more real than the chair I'm sitting in. I sometimes wish I could hang on to the rhythm the words provide at those times I need them most, but that's the way it goes.

nn

I think I'm going to be just fine. For the longest time I wasn't really sure. Such little problems, so insignificant when compared to all the good things. Like a million mosquitoes attacking an elephant, enough to make the outcome no sure thing. I think it's all ok. For today at least I can see the path my footsteps will take for the near future, and I'm not displeased. As with all things, there is no perfection, but perfection is not a gift for mere mortals. I'll accept things the way they are, and work towards my plans.

nn

This is not a cry for help

nn

I told K I'd put those words somewhere soon, and what better place than here?

nn

One last thought for this journal, before I go back to my music. This one's an original.

nn

There should be no vacation from being a good person. Oftentimes selfish actions
have far-reaching consequences. It's not easy to see from this footstep how the
next one will fall.

It's far less painful in the long run to not make the mistakes, than it is to try
and repair the damage.

And sometimes there are no right actions, no correct decisions.

nn

That's enough for now. Another time.

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nn

Oh my god.

nn

They've just released a new season of doctor who. This'll make it something like 28 seasons (that's 28 years in case you hadn't guessed) of this show being on the air.

nn

Needless to say, I'm going to watch it!

nn

It looks a lot like they did the same things to Dr Who that they did to battlestar galactica. It looks promising.

nn

Oh, for all you fun people who actually take time to read this nonsense… http://pacificcoast.net/~gthompson/

nn

Free tax software. Yes. Free. Not stolen, not trial. Written by a guy in victoria, if you can imagine that. Looks like he's been doing this since 2001. Makes me wish I'd found it sooner. It looks exactly like the paper forms, but without all those nasty math problems. It's a bit of a bear to figure out initially, but it's not too hard once the initial terror passes.

nn

Anyway, gotta dash, c ya!

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nn

Tax season is so much fun.

nn

I just worked out my total debt.

nn

Looks like it's going to be about $4600.00. That's more than I'd hoped, but less than I'd feared. Provided I can get the final bits of paper from J before the end of this month, I should be able to pay it off with a few days to spare. Though I must admit, watching nearly 5k drop out of my bank account and having nothing to show for it really doesn't inspire me to sing a little song!

nn

Note for the future: Pay taxes monthly!

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nn

I need to start taking better care of myself. I've been averaging about 1 meal a day.

nn

Mind you, I just haven't been hungry. I normally don't even think about food until my stomach starts to hurt, and recently a single meal in a 24 hour period seems to shut it up, so I haven't really thought too much about it.

nn

But I doubt it's healthy. I doubt I can really do it for all that much longer without running into problems. This has always been a problem, I'd get really busy, and really interested in what I was doing. After the first hunger pains go away, I don't usually tend to feel it anymore, it turns into white noise. I don't really feel starved of course, but I've noticed recently my thought patterns are a little more erratic than normal. It's something to work on for sure.

nn

Funny too, my stomach hurts more now that I've eaten than it did before I ate. Figure that one out if you dare.

nn

I got Merc to order me a laptop today, I even picked it out! I'm getting moved out of support and technical services, and into R&D. That means I'll be giving up my workbench for a desk, and since I'm on a bunch of projects, I'll be moving around a fair bit. I can't honestly say I'm looking forward to it, I'm more nervous about screwing up and letting people down than I am excited about the future opportunities.

nn

Likely I'll end up splitting my time even further, and continue doing support work as I can, while fitting it into my development time. I hope I don't disappoint them.

nn

I just want to be useful.

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nn

*yawn*

nn

Laundry is such a pain. It takes FOREVER. I'm still up, and damn am I tired. I figure since I have at least another hour before my clothes are done, I'll write a little here.

nn

K's visit was so extremely great I doubt I could find the words with a dictionary. I got a chance to show her around Merc, and introduced her to all the major players. The response was pretty good too. I'd wanted to intro her to the HR director, but she was out, and didn't come back until far too late. No matter though, I mentioned K to her, and I saw enough of a flicker of interest that I think things might work out in that area.

nn

Clayton bugged me unmercifully of course, because he could. Why is it I can't introduce a lady to my co-workers without them jumping to all sorts of conclusions?

nn

As always, I was quick to correct them when their opinions ventured off into the realm of pure fantasy.

nn

I didn't get much real work done today. Two meetings in the afternoon pretty much killed it dead, and the fact I was having problems standing without swaying back and forth also didn't really help much. I've got a full plate tomorrow, but luckily nothing is too pressing at the moment.

nn

It's funny, they're going to put another guy in charge of the IT section. That's fine, but he's not boss yet, and he's got no staff, and it's still at the point that *I'm* giving him orders.

nn

And he's going to take over running this section? Plus of course, I'm supposed to set up this wonderful work area downstairs to do IT related work, and I'm getting dragged away for development work.

nn

If I get pulled from IT, the fixing stops. It's that simple. It really seems like management is getting the order of operations wrong. It goes like this…

nn

Finish setting up an IT section.
Hire an IT tech to work on new systems
Hire an IT tech to do support work.
Train the hell out of them.
Bring in the IT manager, train him.
Pull Aaron out of the tech department halftime and evaluate.
Train more if required.
Turn the IT department over to the properly trained and armoured IT group, Aaron goes off into R&D world.

nn

*sigh*

nn

I guess it's too much to ask. I have a simple solution. I'm not moving. Not one inch. Not until they do things the right way. After all, if they mess up, I'll likely end up fixing everything, and that's more frustrating than setting it up right the first time.

nn

I'm done bitching. I'm tired, that makes me cranky, and I don't need to write it here. 1 more hour or so, then I can get some sleep 🙂

nn

G'night!

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nn

Ow ow ow.

nn

3 1/2 hours sleep. Something about seeing K seems to prompt late nights. I'd know this if we'd ever really had a chance to hang out before. Maybe it's the fact I'm interested enough in the conversation that I'm willing to forget the clock? Anyway, two conversations, two VERY short sleeps.

nn

Today should be fun. I'm going to introduce K to Merc, 'cause Merc is the coolest place in the world to work, and K is one of my coolest friends. Sounds like a workable plan eh?

nn

I was offered the job of IT Manager again, then offered the position of a PM (project manager) lead in R&D. No new decisions have been made though, because I don't really have anyone qualified to take over my workload, and I'm not handing it off to chimps.

nn

It looks like it's going to be a nice day. Good thing too, because I think I'm going to be in and out of the office today. I'm basicallly clearing my schedule while K is here. After all, I can work anytime, but this is the first time in about 2 years we've met, and the longest we've talked (in person), in about 4 or 6 years.

nn

Damn, the time flies.

nn

Oh. My diet of stress and exercise is working (no, that's not a typo). I'm down about 12 lb this month, and falling a little bit more each day. It helps that really, no, I'm not hungry much these days, so food happens when I remember, or somewhat later still.

nn

I'll have much to write about the last few days I think, but not now. Frankly, I'm tired, and I have to focus on waking up.

nn

I'll write more later.

nn

Damn it's good to see her. 🙂

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nn

Well, I'm still up. 4 hours of sleep is not exactly the most fun I've ever had.

nn

Yesterday was pretty decent. I went in to work (as usual) for a few hours, and managed to get a bunch of stuff fixed and running right, which will drop my work load on monday to something that can be done in a regular work day. And good thing too! K's coming to town!

nn

That means I'm going to be ready to drop everything at a moment's notice, so it's good to be mostly caught up.

nn

I've done some killer work for our main project this weekend, I'm going to spring the changes on our PM on monday, I think he'll be extremely speechless, which is of course the response I'm looking for.

nn

I had a lovely chat with a friend all night. I called around 11pm, and didn't get off the phone til 4 am! That's something I haven't done since my much younger days, and I'd forgotten how much I enjoy it.

nn

It's funny, I've been writing down an imprint of my soul here and on my old site for the better part of a year, and while I've been comfortable with my beliefs, I hadn't run across anyone who was even vaguely similarly minded. It was a refreshing change to come across someone who could see where I was coming from without longwinded explanations being required. (Though I tend to give those when I get really wound up).

nn

I'll be back.

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nn

I talked to a friend until 4 am (you know who you are, it was way fun)

nn

At 8:20 am shaw called, said they'd be here “soon” to connect my internet service.

nn

Oh

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my

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god

nn

iamsoveryverytired.

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More later.

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nn

It's been another unusual week.

nn

I counted up my hours this year, and it looks like I've worked 75 hours over my contract since January 1. That was kind of cool, I hadn't been paying attention, and actually I've been feeling like a slacker! I'm going to see about cashing it out, and that should make my taxes somewhat more survivable.

nn

My medical plan from work just kicked in, so BC Med sent me a check for $100! I guess I had lost track and paid twice one month, I turned off paper billing from them, since I didn't have a home of my own all last year, and just did online transactions every month.

nn

I've done some seriously cool work for Merc recently. I've managed to keep up in the face of crisis. I've handled the new employee's flooding in. I've kept up with getting their equipment ready, and tech support for about 75 people. I've kept the servers from breaking. And in my copious spare time I've even done some work on our flagship product.

nn

hmmm.. I think I know where those 75 hours came from.

nn

Anyway. I wrote this killer installer for our big project. It never really was documented properly from the customer, and I've ended up replacing about 90{99f4aabb8f9a8b7318031e7dd7e1d4d33a10ca1a288a083cef0cdea647a62112} of the code in it, plus doubling the size by continuing to add features. Sadly, they keep adding feature requests, but none of them get passed to me (long story). So I've been proactively adding based on hints that the customer may want feature “x”.

nn

I showed it to the project manager yesterday. I've been telling him about it off and on, to keep him in the loop, but he's a damn busy man, so I try not to bother him, but I didn't know if he'd even seen it since I went into overdrive with it.

nn

“Holy Shit” was his reaction. He followed that with (in an loud voice) “WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE GAVE YOU A RAISE?!”.

nn

That was promising.

nn

At the end of the day asked me exactly how much I made. I told him, and he thought for a minute, then pulled me aside and offered me the job of “IT Manager”.

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I told him “Nothing personal, but I think I'd rather take a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Stupid team mates make me wiggy”.

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So we're going to hire some one to fill that post. Here's where it gets cool. I told him I'd happily work with the new lead on one condition, that I'm NOT accountable to him.

nn

His words. “Not a problem”

nn

I love my job.

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